Releasing the Past & Finding My Truth
It seems like the message I’ve heard since childhood was that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t meet people’s ideas of what was right, holy, or worthy. My identity was filtered through the lens of evangelical doctrine, where I watched the adults around me, especially my father, a teacher, leader, and music minister, give everything to others, often leaving little for themselves. And I learned to do the same. They were young parents, doing the best they could with what they knew, shaped by systems that didn’t allow space for questioning or emotional nuance. I see that now. I hold that with compassion.
In environments like that, especially as a child, you lose access to your own truth. You become what’s expected: obedient, nice, silent. You disconnect from your feelings. Emotional neglect becomes normal.
Sure, I was angry. Wild and passionate under the disguise of self sabotage and neglect. But I was also kind, open, arms outstretched to anyone who needed love, misfits and all. I could offer that acceptance to everyone… except myself. Deep down, I didn’t believe I belonged. I didn’t fit the mold, didn’t follow the rules, didn’t earn the love I craved. And the message was clear: I was unworthy.
Add to that the reality that, for parts of my life, we were in a religious cult. Something I thought I had made up for years, until at age 59, my mother finally confirmed it. That one acknowledgment cracked something open. For the first time, I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t making up the fog, the confusion, the ache.
I had spent my entire life trying to “get it right”, healing, improving, self-correcting, spiritual hustling. I tried everything: therapy, spiritual practices, mindset tools, neuroscience, and endless studying. And while it helped, I never stopped trying to be “unbroken.”
But that moment at 59 changed everything. It was a soul exhale.
The key to opening that door, as I sit here and reflect, was validation. When my mother finally acknowledged the truth about the cult, something clicked into place. That soul exhale wasn’t just about clarity; it was about being seen. For the first time, I was heard. I was acknowledged. I felt valued. And that changed everything.
Because for years, I knew the story could be changed. Deep down, I knew the narrative I was living wasn’t mine, it was false. But even knowing that didn’t make it easy to escape. It was stuck in my programming. And every attempt to untangle it, to get to the core, just kept me circling the same loop. The same cycle. As if the truth was there, but just out of reach. It validated the story I had lived and gave me permission to stop living it.
The stifled anger, the repression, the ache, I could finally name it. And what my soul wanted wasn’t perfection. It wanted peace. It wanted joy. It wanted me.
So I picked up a pen. Went back to therapy. Reconnected with my body. And I started again—not to fix myself, but to reclaim myself.
Because the story I was handed is no longer the one I choose to carry.
The Weight We Carry: Understanding Our Past Wounds
It happens before we even realize it. The weight settles in, subtle at first, then heavier, like an invisible chain we’ve been dragging for lifetimes. We don’t question it because we’ve been told it’s ours to carry.
But what if it isn’t?
Some wounds start in childhood. Others have been stitched into our being long before we took our first breath. Epigenetics tells us trauma lingers in our DNA. Karmic past lives whisper of lessons unfinished, cycles incomplete. Religion and social structures mold us, shaping our sense of self before we even get the chance to decide who we are.
And so, we live with inherited fears, borrowed beliefs, and invisible rules written by hands that are not our own. We shrink to fit. We conform to survive. And somewhere in the process, we lose touch with the voice of our own soul.
But here’s the truth: we are not here to carry these burdens forever. We are here to unlearn, to heal, to break free.
How Conditioning Keeps Us Disconnected
There are prisons we don’t see. Bars built from expectations, ceilings made of silence. We live inside them, thinking they are the walls of our home.
- Inherited Beliefs & Epigenetics — fear passed down like an heirloom. Scarcity woven into our bloodline. The survival instincts of those before us whispering, don’t risk too much, don’t shine too bright.
- Karmic Cycles & Past Life Patterns — the feeling of being stuck in something ancient, something older than this life. Why do we repeat the same stories, attract the same wounds? What unfinished lessons are calling us to wake up?
- Religious & Cultural Conditioning — the rules that taught us who to be before we even had a say. The voices that said obedience is safety, questioning is rebellion, and self-trust is dangerous.
And so, we learn to contort ourselves into shapes that make us acceptable. We disconnect from our own knowing. We move through life on autopilot, never asking, Is this even mine to hold?
But the truth remains: everything you have learned, you have the power to unlearn.
Healing & Reclaiming Your Truth
For those of you with curious minds and open hearts, I want to share two voices that have deeply shaped my understanding of healing:
🌿 Dr. Joe Dispenza bridges neuroscience, energy, and epigenetics to show how our thoughts and emotions shape our biology and how change becomes possible when we rewire the way we see ourselves.
Recommended Book: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
YouTube: Joe Dispenza Meditations & Talks
🌀 Dr. Nicole LePera, also known as The Holistic Psychologist, brings the practical language of self-reclamation through nervous system work, reparenting, and radical self-responsibility. Her tools are simple, but profound.
Recommended Book: How to Do the Work
Instagram: @the.holistic.psychologist
If you’re craving deeper understanding, these are two worth exploring on your own time. What they offer echoes much of what I’ve lived and continue to unlearn.
Healing is not about erasing the past. It’s about reclaiming yourself from it. It’s about standing in the wreckage of what shaped you and saying, I get to decide what I keep.
- Awareness & Reflection — pause. Ask yourself: What beliefs do I hold that no longer serve me? Where did they come from? Do I still choose them?
- Inner Child & Shadow Work — meet the younger you. The one who learned to stay quiet, to please, to fear. Hold them. Let them know they are safe now. Let them know they don’t have to carry this anymore.
- Breaking Cycles with Intention — see the pattern. The one that keeps showing up in your relationships, your choices, your fears. See it. Name it. Choose differently.
- Somatic Healing & Energy Work — because wounds don’t just live in the mind, they live in the body. Move. Breathe. Let sound shake the old stories loose. Let energy shift what words cannot.
- Spiritual Reconnection — strip away the voices that were never yours. Find the truth beneath them. Meditate. Walk in nature. Sit with your soul. Listen to what has been waiting to be heard.
Healing is messy. It’s nonlinear. It doesn’t come in a neat package with a finish line. But every breath taken in truth, every moment of awareness,
Reflection Questions
- What story have you inherited that no longer feels true?
- What would it look like to live from your soul, not your programming?
- Where are you still contorting yourself to be accepted or approved?
- What is one belief you’re ready to question or release?
Soft Invitation
You don’t have to unlearn it all at once. You don’t have to heal in public or be fearless to begin.
You just need one moment of honesty. One pause. One deep breath.
Let that be enough.
💫 If this letter stirred something in you, write about it. In your journal, on a walk, or even silently in your heart.
🌿 Share your thoughts in the comments or send a note if you feel moved—because your truth matters.
And if you’re walking this path too… I see you. You were never broken. Just becoming.
Questions Readers Ask
How do thoughts and emotions impact healing?
Dr. Joe Dispenza teaches that thoughts and emotions shape our internal state. Becoming aware of old emotional patterns—and intentionally shifting them—can help rewire how we think, feel, and heal.
What does it mean to heal past wounds?
It’s about releasing inherited stories, beliefs, and trauma that no longer serve your soul’s truth.
How do I know if I’m carrying someone else’s story?
If a belief or behavior feels heavy, confusing, or fear-based, it likely isn’t yours to carry.
Where do I start with healing?
With awareness. Journal. Reflect. Begin by naming what feels untrue, even if you’re not ready to change it yet.
Is healing supposed to feel this hard?
Healing isn’t linear—it often gets messier before it feels free. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re in it.